No New Friends

It was finally time for time for my lunch break after two and a half hours of learning French and so, I stepped out unto the balcony  and was minding my own business when I was approached by one of my classmates. He literally came up to my face and asked for my name (like he didn’t know), which I happily gave. He then went on to describe me as ‘reticent’ and requested the reason why. He was not far off so I just smiled and told him I don’t talk much. He probably was not satisfied with this answer and went on to ask me why I don’t talk much. I was starting to get weary of the conversation at this point but I kept calm and explained that I just wasn't one of many words. He told me my voice was baritone and this had caught his attention and he wanted to be my friend. All this time, I really wanted to pee but as fate might have it, this classmate of mine was not done with his questions. As it was turning out to be a very one-sided conversation, he proceeded to tell me his name, which I had not requested for, and gave me a mini autobiography. He was from Ekiti state and had just graduated from the University of Ilorin. I’m guessing he sensed I was not that interested and so he switched the attention back to me. He wanted to know where I schooled and so I told him a scaled down version of this story.

But he was not done. Far from it. He asked me what I liked to do, to which I had no response. And so he asked me if I liked to read. Unhesitatingly, I told him I read African Literature. Probably not the answer he wanted and so he asked me if I read Christian books. I told him I didn’t and he presumably didn’t understand why. That was when he asked if I was Christian. (When did this turn into a religious conversation?) I told him I was Catholic and then he asked if I was ‘Born Again’.

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Was he trying to determine if I was worthy enough to be a friend and possibly a future wife? I was confused. Sensing my confusion, he went on to tell me he just wanted to be my friend. He also went on to clarify that he had a girlfriend and was in a serious relationship. (Oh no. The man of my dreams is taken. Oh such a cruel world. Take me now. :-| ) Quite frankly, I wanted to shed tears at this point. I didn’t bargain for this. I came to learn French. I just want to get a good job in future. Is this the price I have to pay? Image

I don’t know if I appeared lonely, sad or friendless but he inquired about my friends. I told him they were all in school. This was probably his ticket. I had no friends present and he was coming to save my wretched soul. Oh sweet joy. He asked if I was on Facebook, which I had luckily since deleted. God really does work in mysterious ways. Who knew I was saving myself from this creep when I deleted Facebook? He then asked about Twitter, which I told him I barely used. Finally, he asked for my number. I proceeded to give a long and boring story about my phone hoping he would lose interest and let me be but he was not fazed. He insisted but I was persistent. I told him I did not know my number, which was true and that I would give it to him later. This was after he had asked if he could visit me in my house by the way. (CREEPY CLASSMATE OF MINE THAT I BARELY KNOW AND I’M STARTING TO REALLY DISLIKE, SAY WHAT??) He wanted to be sure about the status of our relationship and asked if we were friends. In a haste to be released from this bondage, I said, ‘Yeah, sure.’ He then asked if we were close friends. HELLO! What? I nicely told him I didn’t know him that well and as such, we were NOT close friends. #NoNewFriends

Well, after that grueling conversation, I joyfully went back to class and put my earphones in. While I was peacefully listening to the beautiful tunes of my best friend, Drake a.k.a Drizzy, it was clear Creepy Classmate didn’t get the 'Earphone Memo', as I saw him approaching my desk. He was coming to give me his number, which I morosely wrote down on the front page of my French dictionary, tainting its immaculateness, never to call.

 As much as I’m not a people person, I am no snob. However I do appreciate my space and people like Creepy Classmate scare me. You don’t just approach people that way especially when you’ve NEVER spoken to them before. In the words of T-Boy, 'YOU ARE TOO FORWARD'. You just come across as being very creepy and no sensible being would want you as a friend.

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