This isn't fun anymore. It used to be. I loved coming here to share bits and pieces of my largely uneventful life. I was out of school and bored. Now I'm back in school (and still bored). I just don't feel like I have anything worth sharing here. This is coupled with my increasing aversion to the internet and social media...with the need to retain anonymity. I would like to be heard but at the same time, I don't want to be known.
I should probably have started this blog without associating my name to it. I'm not ashamed of my content but somehow, having my name here restricts a lot of the things I am able to comfortably write about. I'm guessing this comes from a fear of being controversial. Something I have tried all my life to avoid. And it bothers me, this constant need to make everyone feel comfortable. This fear of being publicly opinionated.
There are times when my posts seem forced and insincere. I usually end up deleting them or making them private, for not being a true representation of myself or my thoughts. I have toyed with the idea of deleting this blog but I can't bring myself to do it. I wish I could be more dedicated to it but my university experience makes that a bit difficult. I'm not exactly having the time of my life.
I can't help feeling like I have let this blog down and in a way, failed the young, excited and funny (if I do say so myself) version of myself who started this blog. I wish things were different, I hope they get better.